Here is where we will falter if our feet are not firmly planted in God’s pure grace.

Since God has forgiven us all trespasses (past, present, and future), is it reasonable to withhold forgiveness from those who trespass against us? Some may say, “But I was hurt so deeply.”

In the matter of forgiveness we are instructed to deal with others in the same way God has dealt with us. You then wound the heart of your Heavenly Father by your unforgiving spirit?

You can never forgive more than you know He has forgiven you. God knew beforehand how you would sin against Him. Paul tells us ‘Christ died for us while we were yet counted among the sinful mankind’ (Rom 5:8 paraphrased). He forgave all sins when we believed the gospel of the grace of God in Christ, as Savior.

For anyone who may be struggling with an unforgiving mindset, I would make these suggestions.

1. Make sure that you understand and believe Paul’s “gospel of the grace of God” (Act 20:24, cf. Rom. 3:19-28). Romans 3:24-25 24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: 25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance (Gk. anoche, tolerance) of God;
2. Without the indwelling Holy Spirit and the love He sheds abroad in our hearts, you will not be able to forgive in a way that is acceptable to God (cf. Rom. 5:5).

(3) Recognize that this attitude of unforgiveness is emanating from “the flesh (the old self)” and is sinful (1Thes. 5:15; Rom. 12:17-21).

(4) Do not indulge “the flesh” but judge it (cf. Rom. 13:8-14).

(5) Consider the depths of sin from which you have been forgiven and what it must have meant to our Lord Jesus to die for us. A certain man always prayed, “Lord, never let me forget what I was before I became a Christian.” As a fallen seed of Adam’s race, your sin against a holy God is infinitely greater than any sin we may commit against each other.

(6) Take account of what your disobedience is doing to your inward soul life by not forgiving. Hebrews 12:15 15  Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Some people think they are well justified in harboring hard feelings against a person while others support them in their evil speaking. But much more damage is done in the offended party in the form of a darkened soul than could ever be done to the offender.

(7) Forgive the person as an act of “the will.” This is Christian love in action. Do not wait until you “feel” like forgiving. Forgiveness is first extended, then feeling and awareness may eventually follow. Trying to work up warm, tender feelings toward the offender is not necessary to forgiveness and in most cases is artificial.

(8) Pray for the spiritual welfare of the offender. I once heard a preacher say, ‘It is extremely difficult to remain bitter against someone for whom you consistently pray.’ Good advice! God promises us a “peace which passes all understanding” as we present all our requests to Him (Phil. 4:6-7). We have the added joy of knowing we are pleasing Him and bringing honor to His name.

(9) Be prepared for the reappearance of a tempting “root of bitterness.” Many Christians report the return of destructive feelings, especially if the offender remains unrepentant or the offense is repeated. Time and again the “old man” wishes to raise his ugly head. Reconsider the above steps.  Yes, we may remember the past offences of another, but we don’t need to hold it against them... real forgiveness is a choice and therefore an act of the will. The Lord says “their sins and iniquities will I remember (Gk. mnaomai, bear in mind) no more.” (Heb. 10:17)

(10) Use the situation to allow the Lord to ‘conform you to the image of His Son’ (Rom. 8:28-29). Shameless sinners are causing pain and suffering to the family of God.

The act of forgiveness is a great opportunity for us to take our Christianity out of the closet and let it shine before men, even among our own human family members.